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ASD is not about being inadequate, deficient or impaired. It’s about having differences. Adults with ASD, or specifically late diagnosis ASD (formerly Asperger’s) have a unique way of seeing things and their solutions to life’s challenges are different, not wrong.
Although people with ASD may share a common cluster of traits, each individual is incredibly unique. In popular culture, there are plenty of false ideas about what people on the spectrum can and can not do. The truth is, you can do a lot more than you think.
People on the Autism spectrum are sensitive individuals who approach situations from different angles or express themselves in different ways. They possess deep emotions and tremendous skills and talents. They’re funny, loyal, dedicated, honest and hard-working people who just happen to think and behave a bit differently.
Many adults who think they may be on the spectrum discover this somewhat randomly. They hear a public figure reference it or pick up on a conversation where traits are discussed. Some may believe that the information fits their personality or matches their history and thus may self-diagnose. Others may choose not to identify with being on the Autism Spectrum. Some people may simply identify with having “autisitc traits”, high-functioning autism, or neurodiversity.
No two people experience ASD in the same way. Some may only have a few symptoms while others have many.
Symptoms of high-functioning ASD in adults include:
Repetitive behaviors. This may include doing the same thing everyday.
Inability to understand emotional issues.
People with ASD may have difficulties when asked to grasp social or emotional issues. They may struggle to see the world through someone else’s eyes.
Hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli.
Discomfort with “small talk”.
Exceptional verbal skills.
Lack of eye contact.
Problems making or maintaining friendships.
Trouble interpreting gestures.
Inability to recognize humor, irony or sarcasm.
Interpretation of all information as literal.
Trouble absorbing abstract information.
You do not need a diagnosis to receive help for ASD. Therapy can be just as useful when the goals of treatment are the same. It is much more effective to treat the symptoms that are causing distress and avoid the negative consequences of labeling someone who is not comfortable with the diagnosis. Although being labeled with ASD can carry stigma, some people actually prefer it.
Receiving a diagnosis of autism can also be a relief. Once you are aware of the condition that is negatively affecting you mentally and socially, you can take advantage of services and opportunities available to those on the spectrum.
Individuals with ASD also often struggle with depression and anxiety. Although anxiety is not considered a core feature of ASD, anxiety disorders are the most common conditions associated with ASD. People with autism often feel anxious, worry about making a mistake or saying the wrong thing. Social settings are particularly difficult when trying to fit in. It can feel extraordinarily lonely and isolating to be on the spectrum while living in a neurotypical world. Depression and sadness often occur, and it is important to be able to talk to someone who validates your thoughts and feelings.
No two people with ASD will have the same symptoms, thus therapy can look different for everyone.
An important part of the therapy process involves explaining the relationship between events, your behavior and consequences. The supportive therapeutic relationship makes this kind of feedback less threatening and more informative. It allows you to be more receptive to suggestions of the changes you can make in relating more effectively towards others.
While most therapy for ASD focuses strictly on compliance and behavior modification, my goal, as your therapist, is to help you expand on this and move towards autonomy and self-acceptance. Both Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are evidenced-based treatment approaches that have shown to benefit neurodiverse individuals.
ACT can help you identify your individual values, set goals to move towards those values and develop mindfulness to increase self-awareness and improve emotional regulation. You can learn how to embrace your thoughts and feelings rather than fighting or feeling guilty for them.
CBT can help you learn how to identify and change destructive or disturbing thought patterns that have a negative impact on your behaviors and emotions. A central focus includes changing the automatic thoughts that may contribute to and worsen emotional experiences like anxiety and depression. CBT can help you learn to better read social interactions and interpret others’ reactions more accurately so you can observe and adjust your own behaviors.
People with ASD overwhelmingly report that they want friends and romantic relationships. They have shown that they can and do form relationships with both neurotypical and autistic peers, even if their interactions sometimes look different from those among neurotypical people.
Intimate relationships can be difficult for anyone, but they are especially challenging when partners are experiencing life through different contexts. When partners vary in how they communicate, express love and approach life, it can be hard to understand the other’s perspective.
The goal for many individuals with ASD is to better meet the needs of their partner while at the same time remaining authentic to themselves.
In therapy you will learn how to:
Identify strengths and learn how to take advantage of them.
Learn how to live a life that is consistent with your values.
Understand your sensory processing system and become aware of how you prioritize what you’re experiencing.
Recognize sensory overload and how to communicate this with your partner.
Learn non-verbal communication.
Learn to not take everything literally.
Initiate dates and remember plans.
Develop awareness of your self-absorption.
Come to terms with your Asperger’s traits.
Compromise and accept differences.
Become more attentive to your partner.
Build skills to put into action.
Learn how to accept feedback.
The unique traits of your neurodiverse partner may have been attractive to you at one point, but you’ve begun to feel frustrated with the lack of attention, communication and mutual understanding. You may have developed resentments or feel trapped. The hopes of a healthy, intimate relationship have dwindled and you’re upset.
Is it still possible to have a loving, meaningful and mutually fulfilling relationship with your ASD spouse? Yes. Therapy can help you identify how differences can contribute positively to your relationship and offer you more opportunity for growth. Strategies for maintaining and creating healthy relationships include things like getting a proper diagnosis, understanding how ASD affects your spouse, improving communication, creating a more satisfying sex life, managing expectations and self-exploration.
A rewarding and fulfilling relationship is possible. Through increased understanding, awareness and accountability, neurodiverse relationships can thrive. Contact me today.